And we may well feel awkward about asking our parents or siblings for help here.We’ve got to work on this, we’ve got to work on that and we are always being told that we have to work on the other. The people who give us this advice tend to only see us making mistakes and, therefore, want to help us avoid all these pitfalls.Our issue is that, as Aspies, quite often we have no one to turn to.We may not have a close friend (or even a close group of friends) with whom we can share questions and experiences, or ask for advice.
It took me aback and it took me quite a while to work out why that was.
They do that by reading signals and trading sparks off each other, sharing interests, sharing looks and comments and stories and, eventually, life experiences. At the very start of this journey, I was scared of being laughed at. One of the answers I got from my mother when I asked about dating and girls when I was a teenager was .
This is a skill we have to learn by rote, whilst others pick it up naturally. Smile, say hello and ask how they’re doing, how’s it going, something like that. The conversation may stutter at first, but persevere and you’ll get there in the end. I was scared to admit to myself that I thought I’d failed. What I didn’t realise was that this was something I could build upon. Don’t fall back into the comfortable trap of routine and rigmarole, no matter however tempting it may seem. One of the things you will slowly learn from this is how much you can trust others and who your true friends are, both inside the family and out. That may have been well-intentioned but, I think, also, viewed from almost twenty years on, it strikes me as being fobbed off, as she was not sure herself how to deal with these questions and issues I was having.
Well, a good way of doing this is to make a note to yourself of what your main interests are.
Once you’ve done that, try writing a sentence or two about each.