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This past month I’ve been talking to tween and teen girls about walking towards drama cyclones. First rule of Fight Club: What’s discussed in the notebook stays in the notebook. But here’s what I said to her about Instagram (and every other social media platform). You can spend your days creating and doing OR you can spend your days looking down at your phone, obsessing over likes and viewing every moment, every interaction as to how it can best be curated for Instagram. It has a habit of white-anting our lives when we don’t have strong boundaries in place. everything from how most bullying starts to playing team sport to working to be a part of her new school community. But the one thing – and possibly the MOST IMPORTANT thing – which you *can* control is WHO YOU CHOOSE TO HANG AROUND. Any fights or spats you have with them are minor and it’s only good natured teasing that occurs (any really mean teasing is unintentional and true friends will apologise).

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Every time you join in gossiping about someone either online or in-person you’re actively walking into a drama cyclone. ) But in those moments in the dark she feels both loved and known and safe. I re-read her question a few times, picked up a pen and wrote back to that eight-year-old sleeping down the hallway. I said that what we know is that Instagram (and most other social media platforms) are not great for our brains. I said that just like every adult I know who still smokes and is trying desperately to give up, (nearly) every adult I know is trying desperately to spend less time on their phones and on social media. And it has a tendency to leave us feeling miserable. Anyway — here’s my advice to my two nieces Elouise and Emily and to every other tween and teen who is heading to high school next week. If you’re spending your time hanging out with girls (or boys) who routinely put you down, make fun of you and humiliate you then MOONWALK OUT OF THERE, SISTER! If you don’t like who you are and how you behave when you’re with your current friends — that’s a big red flag.

And when you get caught in one of those there are truly no winners. No mention of my worries about my upcoming science test. After school my daughter’s main focus is changing out of her uniform and finding out what’s for afternoon tea. But sometimes I think even saying your worries out loud feels too hard. I signed it off by saying, “I love that you wrote to me. FYI: The mother-daughter journal I bought my daughter can be found here. source=pla&gclid=EAIa IQob Ch MIsc-b8Pf-1QIV3AMq Ch3e2w DKEAQYAy ABEg JEu PD_Bw E Or you can make your own for the tween or teen in your life Yesterday the 10-year-old daughter of a friend of mine asked me when I thought her mum should allow her to have Instagram. I said that while I TOTALLY understood that desire to stay in the loop that she needed to think about how joining Instagram she’d be trading one set of problems for another set of problems. Now you might have a tribe of five friends – terrific! *** If you are being bullied or your child is being bullied — speak up.

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