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This is a bitter pill to swallow, perhaps even a double standard. I got these lists of great traits for myself: persuasive, risk taker, competitive, pursues change, confident, socially skilled, inspiring, open & direct.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that “hard-driving, opinionated, and meticulous” are not on most men’s lists of ideal feminine traits. Then on the next page were what you label downfalls, or what the test said was the way people who don’t think exactly like me may see me: pushy, intimidating, overbearing, restless, impatient, manipulative, abrasive, reactive & dominating. It was hard too facing the fact that though I didn’t see myself that way, some others did.

So when I hear a woman talk about how “direct” she is, the first thing I think is: “She’s tactless.” I wrote about this in an article for entitled “Are You Honest… ” Self-proclaimed “direct” people often tell their dates what they think about them even if the date didn’t ask.

But what I realized is there’s a reason they call this the dating “game” and if you want to play, you have to learn the rules.

Even though I am 36, most of the people I meet would think that I am only 26.

Unfortunately, I have been through all kinds of online dates in the last two and a half years.

As someone who considers himself smart and direct, take it from me – there’s nothing wrong with these qualities. I think it’s not that these smart, successful women are exactly those things either, but they are perceived that way by some – not all – of the men they come in contact with.

But if it also coincides with being difficult, dating might be a long, tough road for you. The trick to that is knowing how the man you’re with is perceiving you, and being able to tone down or turn off the traits he might find as reason to dump you for someone more agreeable.

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